Kevin pietersen autobiography torrent

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And it came to pass. It was going to happen sometime, and you’d think I’d be ready for it. But strangely I had not prepared. Some part of me thought that this would not happen until next year. There was no piece on the stocks. There was, surprisingly, no leak. Just shows.

It had been another one of those Monday mornings. The trains at my local station were at a standstill, alternative routes had to be found, and as I sat on the train at Mottingham station, I put on the headphones, started up the I-pod, and got out the smartphone. I would carry out my usual morning Twitter trawl, trying desperately to avoid the hyperbole relating to the comeback by the Forces of Evil in the Superbowl last night.

And there it was:

Now I know many of you will think this would have been met with a punch of the air, a scream of delight on the 9:35, a lap of honour around the carriage. Instead I sat there not quite, for a few seconds at least, able to take it in. Cook has resigned as England captain on a Monday morning at 9:30. Just about my worst time of the week. The blighter. Panic. What do I do? Who can write up a piece? Most importantly from my perspective, how will an article that will inevitably go against the grain be set out? How should it be pitched?

While I had to think how we dealt

•

'I am watching so better make it worthwhile'

Wonder what Jimmy Neesham's on about here?

Could it have been a foolish review in the India v England Test?

No, it was, of course, the US election.

But he did have one positive thing to say about the winner.

And now another horror story. Skip past this tweet if you're the sensitive sort.

Harrowing.

We use quite a lot of KP's tweets in this column. As of now, we consider this a personal service for Ed Cowan.

So here you go, Ed. Aside from the coffee catastrophe (Cofftastrophee? Catastrocoffee?) KP's been training - although he didn't seem to be fully into it.

Chris Gayle's mind didn't seem fully on the job either.

Perhaps, as Tim Bresnan says…

Perhaps Gayle was just weary from all the self-promotion.

When you're sitting around in your own bar and feel the need to tweet about it, there's only one thing to brandish…

… a copy of your autobiography.

You don't need to do the hard yards in the gym to justify a selfie anyway. If you're a cricketer, all you need to do is board a flight.

Or if you're Umar Akmal, you've long since transcended the need for selfie excuses. These days they just pour out in a veritable torrent with no justification for any of them.

This week his default standing-in-the-garden-wearing-sung